Hi Mike - how are you? I'm hoping by the time you read this again, you've actually bothered editing all the long stuff you've written and sent it to someone, rather than endlessly writing new short stories. Yes, I know you get bored editing, but it's really important so just shut up and do it.
Anyway, now that the pleasantries are over, the advice: don't let Celeste (or the new one on the way) wander around without a nappy after consuming a heroic volume of fruit juice. If there is an accident, don't assume that it can't immediately happen again. And again. And again. And again. Don't let your wife know that you're slower at learning negative consequences than a lab rat.
If you do ignore this advice (as I think you might), make sure that you're better stocked with kitchen towel and disinfectant spray next time.
Yours,
Damp Mike
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