Outbreak: Patient Two

So it turns out that I was fine all along and didn't get sick at all.

Report filed: 14/12/2016 1427 GMT

Patient name: 'M'

Point of infection: House, cuddles with infected

Initial symptoms: Grumpy, sarcastic, tired

Later symptoms: Grumpy, sarcastic, tired, upset stomach

Remedial measure: Dosed with 300ml ultrasweet Earl Grey and self-pity. Awaiting results.

Recommended measures: With only 25% of the household left uninfected, recommend taking off and nuking the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Chapman household, Wednesday afternoon. Ha! Who's the hypochondriac now?