Friday, 30 December 2016
Thursday, 29 December 2016
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
Outbreak: Patient Two
Point of infection: House, cuddles with infected
Initial symptoms: Grumpy, sarcastic, tired
Later symptoms: Grumpy, sarcastic, tired, upset stomach
Remedial measure: Dosed with 300ml ultrasweet Earl Grey and self-pity. Awaiting results.
Recommended measures: With only 25% of the household left uninfected, recommend taking off and nuking the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Chapman household, Wednesday afternoon. Ha! Who's the hypochondriac now?
Monday, 12 December 2016
Outbreak: Patient One
Report filed: 12/12/2016 2101 GMT
Patient name: 'A'
Point of infection: Household - cuddles with Patient Zero
Initial symptoms: Smiling, wiggling, slight diarrhoea
Later symptoms: Giggling, smiling, wiggling, copious neon diarrhoea
Remedial measure: Dosed with milk and cuddles
Recommended measures: Continue quarantining household, shoot-on-sight policy authorised for escapees, await further developments
Special note: With fifty per cent of the household infected and the washing machine running at capacity, morale is low amongst the uninfected adults. Recommend airdrop of wine and chocolate.
Point of infection: Household - cuddles with Patient Zero
Initial symptoms: Smiling, wiggling, slight diarrhoea
Later symptoms: Giggling, smiling, wiggling, copious neon diarrhoea
Remedial measure: Dosed with milk and cuddles
Recommended measures: Continue quarantining household, shoot-on-sight policy authorised for escapees, await further developments
Special note: With fifty per cent of the household infected and the washing machine running at capacity, morale is low amongst the uninfected adults. Recommend airdrop of wine and chocolate.
No...I'm not being ridiculous, though a survey of adults in my house revealed that 50% of them thought I was a hypochondriac.
Sunday, 11 December 2016
Outbreak: Patient Zero
Report filed: 11/12/2016 2015 GMT
Patient name: 'C'
Point of infection: Nursery
Initial symptoms: Lethargy, loss of appetite, shambling toddle around the house
Later symptoms: Vomiting, diarrhoea, incessant singing of the 'Do-Re-Mi' sound from the Sound of Music
Remedial measure: Dosed with Fruit Shoots and chocolate buttons, awaiting results of treatment
Recommended measures: Quarantine the household, reassure all civilians about their exposure and imminent symptoms, await further developments
Point of infection: Nursery
Initial symptoms: Lethargy, loss of appetite, shambling toddle around the house
Later symptoms: Vomiting, diarrhoea, incessant singing of the 'Do-Re-Mi' sound from the Sound of Music
Remedial measure: Dosed with Fruit Shoots and chocolate buttons, awaiting results of treatment
Recommended measures: Quarantine the household, reassure all civilians about their exposure and imminent symptoms, await further developments
May God have mercy on our souls...
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