60 Degrees North

There was a time, a decade ago, when I couldn't locate Shetland on a map. I knew it was to the north of East Anglia somewhere but, for me, that broad geographic category also encompassed Manchester, Edinburgh and Cardiff. After marrying a girl from the Islands and visiting many times, I can honestly say that it's one of my favourite places to holiday.

Not that I've quite forgotten the twelve hours of cars, buses and flights that got us here. I still have a burning feeling in my wallet from the £9 FlyBe charged us for a few tiny bottles of apple juice, but that's by the by. The important thing is that we're all togther and, for the first time in a good long while, we're on holiday!

So, we've played on the beach, seen some cows and done very little else. It's wonderful.

Because I have a brother, I'll always have a fiend (not a typo)

It was my brother's birthday at the weekend - he's turned 30 - so Mum and Dad, with their usual generosity, put on a slap-up feast. For once, there's not much of a story here. Just family sitting around a table, enjoying each other's company and only occasionally descending into rows about Brexit. Rather than forcing jokes about a lovely afternoon, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

It's like looking at me, but with optimism about the future

Food? But look at all the lawn toys! Golf instead! Play now!

Oh...wait. Hummus? What was I saying?

My brother and his lovely fiancee

 Celeste insisting on washing up the cutlery. From a different angle, you could see a quarter moon. Think about it Tom.

Tom's game attempt to light his birthday candles in a stiff cross-breeze

For some strange reason, I didn't think putting a picture of a bare-bummed toddler in the paddling pool on the internet was wise. This will have to suffice.

A lovely afternoon was had by all. I drank enough beer to catastrophically wreck my diet and Lyn kindly drove the three of us home afterwards. Celeste went to bed nicely and I fell gently asleep too, stretched out on the living room floor (I wasn't drunk, I was just really tired - oh hell's bells, who'll believe that?)

The Big Cheese

Today was a day I've been looking forward to all year: the Sudbury Food Festival. Of course, it rained. Lots.

10am - 50% of the attending crowd. Not a joke. The other 3 were me, Lyn and Celeste.

The drizzle was near constant but even when it slackened off, everything was damp and the sky slate grey.

Festival! Festival! Festival!

But why go? I hear you ask through the internet wires. For gold, my friend, for gold.

Now held in an undisclosed location because I'm a grown-up now and I don't have to share.

My supply of spiced fluids has been running increasingly short and I've been getting more and more excited about a resupply (especially the Garlic and Habanero one and the Naga one). Now I don't have to stress about my dinners all tasting different - now they'll all just taste hot.

Celeste and Lyn had a great time too. Celly ate most of the cheese samples from the stall so, in the end, we felt like we had to buy a truckle of cheese from the man. I still think Celeste ate a greater mass of cheese samples than we bought.

He doesn't know what's about to hit him...

Now Celeste's body is 60% water and 40% cheddar

We then came to the cow thing. Words actually fail me describing this thing, but it turns up every year. Children are invited to sit on a stool and milk it. I don't know why.

Mascot? Simulator? Graven idol?

There is no sign and no description is given. I don't know what it is for, what it is supposed to teach or advertise.

Celeste looks as uncertain as me...

Bless her, she had a try. She even got a certificate: her first ever. Who "Transition Sudbury" are and who empowered them to give out milking certificates is unknown at the time of going to press.

And Celeste doesn't understand it either.

Ultimate, it was all about the ice-cream. And the sprinkles.

So. Much. Sugar.

It was delicious and through a combination of onion bhajees, ice-cream, seafood, wild boar burgers, chocolate brownies and lemon muffins, I think that we can say that today was not a good diet day. Thankfully, wild boar burgers are exotic enough to not be in the Slimming World book, so I'll score them as zero. Adding together everything else gives a Syns-value as long as my phone number.

Celeste is so full of good food that she's been asleep for nearly four hours.